Sex After Baby … Yeah, I’m Going There. (part 2)

In my last post I was discussing how it can be difficult to get back into the swing of things after a baby, and I mentioned a few things we had used to to help us reconnect as a couple.  This post, I want to get a little more intimate.

 “Sex toys.”  I know, take a breath – it’s ok.  Whether you’re more comfortable calling them “marital aids” or your “sonic screwdriver” they can really make a difference in the bedroom.  Being crunchy, I’m rather partial to glass toys.   Some of them are quite beautiful, they feel great, they are easy to clean, and provide some great sensations when you warm them or chill them in the refrigerator!  Don’t think of them as fragile objects, most are built to last a lifetime of heavy use… and glass is non-porous which means no worries about what chemicals may be leaching out of your new friend and into you!

Consider picking her up a  gift that will be appreciated…I promise! ( And don’t forget the lube, especially for you breastfeeding moms!)

I’ve been buying everything from EdenFantasys.com  – they’re fast, discreet, and the prices are great!

Eden Cafe

Sex After Baby … Yeah, I’m Going There.

Sex after baby.  Everyone is thinking about it, no one talks about it.  Intimacy with your partner is SO important (for you as well as your partner!) especially post-partum, and too often we get locked into the cycle of being too tired to take time to remember that we’re more than a baby feeding/diaper changing machine.  I’ve found after four kids that even if you don’t feel like you “want” to, sometimes just trying gets you in the mood…and the more you have, the more you want!  Since Valentine’s Day is around the corner, here are my hints:

Use lube.  Especially if you’re breastfeeding, hormones can screw with your natural lubrication.  I like ID Glide – it’s smooth, condom safe, and water based.

Set the mood.  I LOVE massage oil candles: not only is the glow romantic, but you have oil at just the right temperature at your fingertips!

Try something new!  It can take time to get back into the swing of things, but picking up some fun new items ( even if it isn’t a “sex toy“) can really kick your libido back into gear!

I’ve been buying everything from EdenFantasys.com  – they’re fast, discreet, and the prices are great!

Eden Cafe

Update

Yes, if you were wondering — I AM still pregnant.  I’ll be 39 weeks tomorrow, and though all my other babies have been 41+ I’ve always had an idea that #ninjababy may arrive early.  I have to say, I’m ready when he is.  Though I’m being patient, and I know he’ll come when he’s ready, the last two weeks have been uncomfortable!

I developed SPD ( symphysis pubis dysfunction ) which is something that I hadn’t had to deal with in my previous pregnancies, and a little over a week ago I started prodromal labor.  I’ve had Braxton-Hicks contractions every 3-7 minutes for 14-16 hours a day for nearly nine days now.  I’m tired, it’s hard to find even a reasonably comfortably position to sleep in, and the last day or so my back has ached like you wouldn’t believe ( well, maybe you would? )

Even with all that has gone on, and the incredibly stressful pregnancy we’ve experienced, I’m at peace.  I know that when #ninjababy is ready, he will appear.  I have everything I need to welcome him home.  The house isn’t as clean as I’d like, but I don’t think he’ll notice…and if I have to wait three more weeks?  Well, I know it will be worth it 🙂

I Finally Get It: Nobody Really Cares

Tonight I was texting with a woman I call my friend ( though I’ve never met her in real life) in an attempt to talk through some of the things that have been bothering me, and hopefully feel better. The plan backfired horribly, and I ended the conversation feeling worse than I had when it begun. In the middle of it, however, I came to an epiphany:

Nobody Really Cares.

That seems to be the root of most of my stress and sadness at the moment. Pay attention, now — NOBODY really cares. This weighs on me, more than I realized until I started to talk about it.

Now, I have to add a disclaimer. I have some friends on Twitter that have gone above and beyond what I would expect any stranger to do for another. They have helped me out of jams, encouraged my home based business, and sent me boxes of hand me downs and diapers for the arrival of the the #ninjababy. These people make me cry, and give me hope for humanity. I’ve NEVER met any of them in person, and yet they give of their time and resources without being asked and expecting nothing in return. To these people (you know who you are) I say THANK YOU, and mean it from the bottom of my heart. You have kept me going.

Here in my real world, however, I feel like some lone tree on an island. There is so much drama and chaos going on in my life, and no one can be bothered to so much as send an email or text message to make sure that I’m still breathing.

I’m going to have a son in October, I’m going to bring another human being onto this planet, and I don’t think my family and “friends” even know when my due date is, or what we’ve chosen for his name, or anything pertaining to our plan for birth. No one really cares. No one has called to see how I’m feeling. No one asks if there is anything I need, or want. I’m fairly sure that half of them don’t even know how far along I am. I didn’t expect a baby shower, but maybe the offer of a casserole for the freezer, or some acknowledgement that a major life changing event is about to happen? I’ve given up my dreams of having a doula here, or a professional to do birth shots for me. I can’t do it alone, and nobody else really cares.

I’ve stopped doing pregnancy photos and weekly updates. I’ve given up the idea of a belly cast or henna or lovely maternity shots. I’m the only one who seems to care about any of that. My heart is breaking at the thought of not getting the pictures I had envisioned at the lovely waterfalls not far away…but nobody really cares.

I don’t think TBA has felt his son kick more than twice in the last seven months. Every time I mention there is a hand or knee or elbow poking around, or try to slide his hand onto my stomach to feel the rolls and somersaults as we lie in bed at night, he doesn’t really care. I’m hurt by this, I don’t understand it. How could you NOT want to bond with your child? Even if you aren’t really “into” it, do it to humor me… take two seconds, let the #ninjababy kick your hand, smile and make me happy.

I’m excited for the new arrival, and yet every time I try to talk about anything pertaining to #ninjababy with anyone in real life…well, they don’t care. I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for being excited or wanting to buy little diapers or look at onesies in a store. I feel rushed if I try to stop and price car seats, or look at a swing or bouncer. Nobody else really cares. I get the impression, though, as if the somber “meh” mood that everyone else has should somehow filter it’s way into me. NO! I CARE. Just because this isn’t the first baby, or the first boy, or the first grandchild does not mean that he is somehow less deserving than my other children!

Its been three weeks now that we’ve been car-less. Three weeks since the accident in Philadelphia. I have friends that live less than a mile from here, that are ON my Facebook page, that follow me on Twitter, that had NO IDEA we didn’t have a car. They didn’t realize that we’ve been walking everywhere for the last three weeks. I have family and other relatives that are more than well equipped financially to have helped us rent a car, or at least offered to chip in and buy us a month’s bus pass. Nobody really cares. Nobody cares that I’m walking everywhere that a bus can’t take me, or that its been in the high 90’s with heat indexes in the 100’s. Nobody cares that after a few blocks I’m having Braxton-Hicks that are strong enough to take my breath away and force me to sit. Nobody cares that by the time we get home from one of these trips my legs are swollen beyond belief and my back aches so badly it hurts to sit. Nobody cares that I can’t seem to keep weight on with this pregnancy, and that between stress and the miles of walking I’m exactly * two * pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight at 28 weeks. Nobody has even bothered to ask if there was something they could do, or something to help with.

All these things hurt my heart. There are other stresses in my life, of course, and things that need to be worked on. What is tearing me up is that fact that I’m seemingly alone in all this. I’ve always believed that anything can be faced and overcome with support and the love of friends and family. But now I finally get it.

Nobody really cares.

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