I Finally Get It: Nobody Really Cares


Tonight I was texting with a woman I call my friend ( though I’ve never met her in real life) in an attempt to talk through some of the things that have been bothering me, and hopefully feel better. The plan backfired horribly, and I ended the conversation feeling worse than I had when it begun. In the middle of it, however, I came to an epiphany:

Nobody Really Cares.

That seems to be the root of most of my stress and sadness at the moment. Pay attention, now — NOBODY really cares. This weighs on me, more than I realized until I started to talk about it.

Now, I have to add a disclaimer. I have some friends on Twitter that have gone above and beyond what I would expect any stranger to do for another. They have helped me out of jams, encouraged my home based business, and sent me boxes of hand me downs and diapers for the arrival of the the #ninjababy. These people make me cry, and give me hope for humanity. I’ve NEVER met any of them in person, and yet they give of their time and resources without being asked and expecting nothing in return. To these people (you know who you are) I say THANK YOU, and mean it from the bottom of my heart. You have kept me going.

Here in my real world, however, I feel like some lone tree on an island. There is so much drama and chaos going on in my life, and no one can be bothered to so much as send an email or text message to make sure that I’m still breathing.

I’m going to have a son in October, I’m going to bring another human being onto this planet, and I don’t think my family and “friends” even know when my due date is, or what we’ve chosen for his name, or anything pertaining to our plan for birth. No one really cares. No one has called to see how I’m feeling. No one asks if there is anything I need, or want. I’m fairly sure that half of them don’t even know how far along I am. I didn’t expect a baby shower, but maybe the offer of a casserole for the freezer, or some acknowledgement that a major life changing event is about to happen? I’ve given up my dreams of having a doula here, or a professional to do birth shots for me. I can’t do it alone, and nobody else really cares.

I’ve stopped doing pregnancy photos and weekly updates. I’ve given up the idea of a belly cast or henna or lovely maternity shots. I’m the only one who seems to care about any of that. My heart is breaking at the thought of not getting the pictures I had envisioned at the lovely waterfalls not far away…but nobody really cares.

I don’t think TBA has felt his son kick more than twice in the last seven months. Every time I mention there is a hand or knee or elbow poking around, or try to slide his hand onto my stomach to feel the rolls and somersaults as we lie in bed at night, he doesn’t really care. I’m hurt by this, I don’t understand it. How could you NOT want to bond with your child? Even if you aren’t really “into” it, do it to humor me… take two seconds, let the #ninjababy kick your hand, smile and make me happy.

I’m excited for the new arrival, and yet every time I try to talk about anything pertaining to #ninjababy with anyone in real life…well, they don’t care. I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for being excited or wanting to buy little diapers or look at onesies in a store. I feel rushed if I try to stop and price car seats, or look at a swing or bouncer. Nobody else really cares. I get the impression, though, as if the somber “meh” mood that everyone else has should somehow filter it’s way into me. NO! I CARE. Just because this isn’t the first baby, or the first boy, or the first grandchild does not mean that he is somehow less deserving than my other children!

Its been three weeks now that we’ve been car-less. Three weeks since the accident in Philadelphia. I have friends that live less than a mile from here, that are ON my Facebook page, that follow me on Twitter, that had NO IDEA we didn’t have a car. They didn’t realize that we’ve been walking everywhere for the last three weeks. I have family and other relatives that are more than well equipped financially to have helped us rent a car, or at least offered to chip in and buy us a month’s bus pass. Nobody really cares. Nobody cares that I’m walking everywhere that a bus can’t take me, or that its been in the high 90’s with heat indexes in the 100’s. Nobody cares that after a few blocks I’m having Braxton-Hicks that are strong enough to take my breath away and force me to sit. Nobody cares that by the time we get home from one of these trips my legs are swollen beyond belief and my back aches so badly it hurts to sit. Nobody cares that I can’t seem to keep weight on with this pregnancy, and that between stress and the miles of walking I’m exactly * two * pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight at 28 weeks. Nobody has even bothered to ask if there was something they could do, or something to help with.

All these things hurt my heart. There are other stresses in my life, of course, and things that need to be worked on. What is tearing me up is that fact that I’m seemingly alone in all this. I’ve always believed that anything can be faced and overcome with support and the love of friends and family. But now I finally get it.

Nobody really cares.

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Nicole
    Jul 17, 2011 @ 03:02:54

    I totally know what you mean. I have had that same realization… that life is truly an individual sport. I don’t have any wonderful, magical advice.. just know that you’re not alone in your alone-ness. xo!

    Reply

  2. Katherine
    Jul 17, 2011 @ 04:00:24

    You are loved. I am sending love to you right now – envisioning you happy, fulfilled, abundant, supported. You may not know me, but please know that my love and support is being directed to you right now. Hang in there mama.

    Reply

  3. theofficialpunk
    Jul 17, 2011 @ 06:05:21

    That is quite depressing. I felt like that for most of my pregnancy, living 13,000 miles away from all my family and friends didn’t help either, and this will likely be my only child…but I try not to dwell *le sigh* 😉

    Could you do your own henna? I did a lot while I was pregnant…not that I’m an artist or anything but I wanted some and knew I was the only one that would make it happen. If you could do your own I’m sure some could be sent your way 🙂

    Reply

  4. Violetsouffle
    Jul 17, 2011 @ 10:54:43

    I care. Lots. Love you dearheart,
    Mb

    Reply

  5. Elliemahar
    Jul 17, 2011 @ 18:11:36

    Oh mama! I’m so sorry that there is no one around you to support & love you the way that you need & deserve right now. My heart breaks because your friends & family should be the ones to celebrate this new life with you. For my part, I’m glad to “participate” from a distance & wish that I was closer to do pictures or something for you. ** hugs **

    Reply

  6. Terri Babin
    Jul 26, 2011 @ 11:09:56

    You messages me on Twitter@ecocrazymom a while ago about some FFS diapers that I have, and I just learned how to check my DM’s so I just got it! I would love to send them your way, I just need your address and for you to cover shipping. I know what you mean about feeling like no one really cares, but I promise you there are people out there that genuinely do care. I am a firm believer in random acts of kindness, and I care about all of my “online mamas”, heck, I talk to them more than most of my regular girlfriends! I hope everything works out okay for you, and if you ever need to vent, I’d be happy to volunteer my ears and my heart 🙂

    Reply

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